I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
