my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cockslap morals
There was a lot of him and a little penis
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
