Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
