I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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