I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
