have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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