Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Never underestimate the power of titties
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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