he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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