Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
