last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Everclear isn't food dammit
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
