i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
