Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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