I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
