hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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