Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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