my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
