Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
