She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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