I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
