You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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