I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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