They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
