Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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