fuck your aforementioned shoe
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
