it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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