I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
