We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
