Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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