no you cant smoke seaweed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
