After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
