my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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