His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
