I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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