That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
