He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
