do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
