A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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