Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
