how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
