Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize