Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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