How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
