Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
