It's Friday. Sex?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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