That's science, my friend. Boner science.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
