So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
