Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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