Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
