the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
