It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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