remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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