Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Can Purell be used as lube?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
