i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ugly people sure do ruin things
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
