how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
