Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
