The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The uberlube is also flammable
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
