3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
