We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
