its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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