smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
