First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
