garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
