I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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