This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you never un-have a 4some
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
