Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
