Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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